Weight Loss

So, to commemorate my achieving the totally unexpected weight loss of 35 pounds in under 7 months, I thought I'd write a blog post with my tips!

Note: This is not really a healthy level of weight loss.  But there was no actual starvation involved.

If I knew how many tips there were I would say X Tips for Fast Weight Loss!
However, I don't,  And actually I would never title a blog post in such a pathetic way. I'm not convinced enough of my skill in irony to trust that people wouldn't think I am that pathetic and lame. I have no idea why, but I seem to care.

1.  The first step for me is, admittedly, kind of cheating.  Gain weight first!
I had to take prednisone for asthma.  Prednisone makes you eat like a horse.  I had 3 dinners in one night once, seriously.  At least it amused the roommates.  Anyhow, I took it for nearly a year, and therefore was fat for nearly a year, and it was starting to seem like I would never be normal again.

So, my starting point wasn't exactly my normal weight, but then again, if you're trying to lose weight, it's probably because you're not at your 'normal weight.' After all, your normal weight should be your healthy weight.  And that's all I intended to achieve. So chances are, this step has already been accomplished.  You have gained weight.

2. Arrange your life in such a way that obtaining food in any normal way is difficult.
This is not something that I would ever have thought of, but has turned out to be incredibly helpful.  Because I had no idea where I was moving, I ended up living in a neighborhood in which it is difficult to have a car, but it is also difficult to not have a car.  I can't park, but I can't get to a grocery store.  Oops.  But, no it has turned out to be a godsend.  At work there is a grocery store, and so I purchase necessities only and take them home with me.  Significant walking discourages weighty or excessive purchases.  And any added weight is helping me to burn more calories on my walk.

3. Make only as many rules as you can actually stick to.
In my case, no ordering in is an easy way. I hate making phone calls, particularly to strangers. And once I made the rule it was possible to stick my fingers in my ears and say lalalalala at the mention of the fact that food can be ordered over the internet.  After all this still leaves the awkwardness that we have no intercom and the doorbells aren't labeled, so stranger visits stress me out. Is my neuroticism showing yet? It's helpful sometimes.
Another rule for me is no processed foods unless absolutely necessary.  The slight out is for when I'm sick, or when I'm not quite sure if something counts as processed or not.

If you LOVE pizza, don't say you'll never order in cause obviously you'll fail and then start ordering other things.  I would imagine that it's highly unlikely that someone could eat pizza 7 days a week.  Even 2-3 would probably get old pretty fast.

4. Use your laziness to your advantage!
After all, we're all fairly lazy, particularly if we've gotten to the point that we need to lose weight.  My use of inherent extreme laziness? It doesn't matter how hungry I am I am not wandering out into the night to obtain food.  Given block on ordering in, this forces me to forage in the pantry.

Now, an added bonus to laziness which is not healthy, but hell, it comes in handy.  I'm generally too lazy to make meals. I'm always too lazy to make meals. Therefore the foraging is more for like snack food.  So as to not actually die or make myself ill I do try to make sure there's some yogurt smoothies in the fridge (stay good much longer than milk) and some nuts, olives, or dried fruit around. The no processed thing kind of ensures that whatever little stuff I eat is not crap.

5. Find healthy inexpensive ways to obtain food during the day. I know, WTF? That's stupid advice, everyone knows it and no one does it. Hang with me for a moment. We've already established laziness is going to be an issue, so pretending you're going to make a lovely fresh salad every single day to take to work with you is asking for failure.  So just find the nearest place that doesn't sell crap like hamburgers and pizza.  If you can do salad bars without wanting to gag, go for it.  Otherwise, get like a normal sized sandwich or something.  Which usually means half a sandwich at even relatively healthy eating places.  So, knowing you won't/shouldn't finish the sandwich, stop after half, wrap it up and take it with you, and be gleeful that you will not have to obtain any additional food that day, because you have dinner in your hand.  And your lazy day stores will remain undepleted.

Wow it worked out to 5, that's unexpected.  I always see Top 5 this and Top 10 that, and think bs.  Dumb to put a number on it, cause obviously you're actually going to come up with 6 or 8. So now I'm really trying to think of another one, but that's not fair either.  Making shit up just so the number's weird is (I'm sure there's a good word, but I'm not coming up with it) lame.

Oh, no tips on exercise.  I walk part of the way to work cause I have no car.  I'd probably be, nope definitely be better off if I actually exercised, but see underlying theme of laziness.

I'm now nearly 15 pounds lighter than when I started the prednisone.  Back to the low end of healthy for me.  Hopefully I will stop now.  Because the new clothes I bought are starting to slip and its a nuisance (and expensive) to buy a whole bunch of new clothes.  Since this is just lifestyle not a diet, I can't really control that except to actively try to eat more.  Which I've actually been doing.

So anyway, most of it is giving way to laziness and making it work for you!
Yeah, it may not be the healthiest way to lose weight.  But it's not the least healthy either, and it works, so who cares.