Friday, January 21, 2011

New England Winter

Okay, I give up.  Its only been a couple of weeks, but I'm going to say it.  New England winter is worse than Iceland's ever were.  I don't really understand why this is.  When I think back on winter in Iceland there seems to have been quite a lot of sleet, lots of wind, occasional snow, and snow and ice would last forever, because there was never enough heat and sun to melt it.  Eventually it would rain and wash away the snow.  I did three and a half winters in Iceland, its not like I'm talking a couple weeks here.  I know what its like.
I walked to work in everything but the worse snowstorms when I had wonderful friends who picked me up and gave me a ride.  The night before I left Iceland I had a sleet storm blown full on directly in my face for 10 minutes and I just thought 'Awww, its Iceland's way of saying goodbye.' Seriously, I thought it was sweet and my face was nicely exfoliated.
Now, I've either become soft, or this is worse.  It sucks. And its only been a few weeks.  November, December, nothing.  Little chilly sometimes but I like it when its cold, dry, crisp.  As soon as it gets wet or windy, not so much.


I wasn't here when the first foot of snow was dumped on us, but significant portions remained when I returned. And we promptly had another foot dumped on us, couldn't see out the window because there was so much snow plastered to the house.

Okay, so actually, I don't mind the foot of snow.  Given that my job currently does not involve anything like keeping people alive, I clearly fall in the category of people who should stay the hell off the roads and not risk making trouble for the people whose jobs do entail saving people, often from their own reckless stupidity.

If you have a 4x4 with studded tires, go for it! If you have a 10 year old car whose brakes aren't that great and you have summer tires, stay the hell off the road, you're a menace.  If there was some way to make that illegal, I'd be all for it.  Save the resources of crews that have to dig you out of a snow bank so you don't freeze to death, or ambulance crews who have to deal with it when you careen out of control into some other car.  If you think you can safely drive in a blizzard without the appropriate car you're a moron.  I know insurance companies not paying for damages, like if you don't have special flood insurance and stuff is really annoying, and generally, as befits their business model, insurance companies should not pay for your stupidity.  I'm talking out of my ass here, because i have not idea what the rules are, but that's part of the problem, no? I'm a fairly intelligent person, and I never knew what my car insurance would or would not cover.  If it was clear cut that an insurance company would not cover damages to your car if you drove an ill-equipped car in inclement weather, I would so be all for that.  (This does not include flash floods or tornadoes.  I'm not sure there is any vehicle that can withstand them, and they are too unpredictable.) Kinda overthinking this much, huh?  Anyway, this seems like it would be a deterrent.  If you got burned by that once.  Totalled your car and got paid nothing for it, I think you might think twice the next time.

I had a car living in Atlanta, where it pretty much never snows.  I was gone most of December, when it was possible it would snow.  I knew, from driving in the rain, that my tires desperately needed to be replaced, I just didn't have the time to do it (and typical me, felt like there were a million things I didn't know about tires and which ones were best.  I tried brother, who is my go-to person for all these tech things that I don't understand in the slightest, but I still failed and just got some damn tires.  I don't know if he's noticed, but I can't buy athletic shoes, computer, camera, car, or any other item with moving or electronic parts that costs over, say, $50, without discussing it with him first. Starting I believe with a Sony Discman when I was like 12. That part of my brain has been outsourced.) Anyway, I left my car with roommates, both of whom had need to borrow it, with one strict instruction, Do Not Drive Car on ice or snow.  Because I knew that damn car was in no shape for it, and if anyone was going to crash it or die in it, it was going to be me.  Of course, it snowed, and one of my roommates tried the car anyway, and learned quite quickly that I was right.  One attempt and that was that.

Back on track.  Thing is, when its just a couple inches, sleet and rain, its ridiculous to stay inside. You go about your life. And the storm drains were all clogged with snow, so the streets flooded. There was a layer of slush, which, being ice, floats on water, so it was impossible to tell the depth of the puddles you were stepping into until the water was flooding into your shoes. So what did I do? I actually took care of that particular puddle problem.  I attempted to walk across a street with said slush and water combo, realizing pretty quickly that the whole street was really deep.   Halfway across, crash.

I hit my knee first, which promptly gave out and I ended up on my ass in three inches of icy water with my legs splayed out on either side of me.  Immediately I thought of those videos of deer trying to walk on ice.  All their legs splay out, they kind of freak out and keep falling down and everyone laughs and thinks its cute and someone rescues the poor thing.  I also thought immediately of the $2000 laptop I was carrying, whose bag was now sitting in 3 inches of water, and I started scrambling to get the hell out of the water.  Luckily I discovered later on that computer and bag contents were completely dry.  I guess when I bought it I was intelligent enough to go for completely waterproof.  (Cause seriously, waterproof can mean rain won't seep into the fabric, it doesn't necessarily mean you're safe from complete immersion).  So then I was soaking wet, with rain still falling (to ensure complete body wetness) and it was about an hour before I could get home and peel off the wet clothes and check on the laptop.  But the silver lining? Well, its not that silver.  But in that hour I happily walked through puddle of any size and depth.  What the hell did it matter? My shoes and pants were soaking wet anyway.

So today we were expecting 6-8", about.  Which, is kind of in the middle.  I felt like I really ought to try to go in.  But, I woke up.  I glanced out the window, and I said 'Holy shit I'm not walking out in that.'  I'm spoiled.  You see, my job involves sitting in my office working on my computer.  I virtually never talk to another person, except to say hi.  Now, given I have an office at home... and I have that self-same computer at home with me... and my boss is probably in New York, there is, like, no motivation to plow my way through a snowstorm to sit in a different office.  That makes sense, right? I'll just be cold and wet.

But anyway, having a foot of icy stuff fall out of the sky every week is getting old, and its only been a few weeks.  Please stop, it sucks.  Please, please stop.

It'll probably snow in April just to spite me.  Cause you know, of late weather patterns seem to be God's best way of communicating with us humans.  Floods, fires, etc. There is always some purported thing we're doing of which God does not approve.  It seems like he could have a more direct way, right? And it also seems to me that global warming or normal historical changes in weather patterns are a rather more feasible option.  What on earth makes the God option better? Was the Ice Age a punishment of humans? Or does this question cause crossed wires for those who would attempt to answer it, since to acknowledge its validity one would have to accept that humans existed before the Bible says the earth did.  Maybe the Ice Age was a punishment for all the animal species that humans wiped out.

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